Remembrance of a Love Lost
by Princesse Hatake
Summary: Three years after his death, she still loves him...


Hi Everyone!

Here is my latest story. It's somewhat short, but I hope you like regardless - it's kinda fluffy. It's not quite what I wanted, but I was anxious to post and impatient to complete it so I didn't take it where I originally wanted it to go... I hope it's not confusing; let me know if it is.

Rated T for hints of citrus

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Three years have passed since he left this room, this village, this world. And yet it feels as if it all happened yesterday. That may be because of the ongoing reconstruction of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. The war may be long over, but its effects will never gone and will never forgotten. So many lives extinguished, so many names added to the Memorial Stone that there are now two such stones – on the second stone, his name being the first name among the many listed.

She can still remember that look in his eyes as he got out of her bed for the last time – can still hear that last sigh filled with longing and regret, that cocky grin as he strutted over her threshold, that wink and caress that said he'd miss her, that he cared, but that she shouldn't wait for him. She missed him so much. How did she allow herself to fall in love? She vowed she would never open herself to her mentor's fate. Losing the ones you love to the profession they love is never an easy cross to bear. She takes learning from other's mistakes quite seriously. She is naturally keen, so once exposed to the failings and mistakes of others, she takes note and rarely makes those same mistakes. Therefore, watching Tsunade-sama continually drown the sorrow of losing both her brother and lover, and now her teammate, in the Drink, she mentally strengthened her resolve against drinking and she emotionally strengthened her resolve against love.

So how did she get here – loving a man, mourning a man deceased three years? Because of the events and war instigated by the Akatsuki, he didn't get a memorial until a good year had passed. And even then, because of limited resources (among other things), it wasn't much. Besides the underrated ceremony, he was honored as collateral damage along with the rest of the 'War Heroes Killed in Action'. Her façade on that day was sad and remorseful yet strong. She didn't cry, not really. Her would-be aunt needed her support as she mourned the man she secretly loved but continually pushed away (except for when she needed a drunken quickie and he was in the right place at the right time). She stood next to her mentor, his teammate (the only one left) on that surprisingly breezy day. Staying strong for Tsunade-sama and Naruto-kun, she tried her best not to let her inner pain show and succeeded quite well. That is until everyone started to leave.

When Tsunade-sama turned her back, a small tear slipped out the corner of her eye. As it rolled down her cheek, a particularly strong wind blew and she could swear she felt lips against her cheek kissing that salty drop dry. She jumped. Honing her ninja skills, she quickly looked assessed her surroundings. Seeing nothing out of the way, sighing heavily, she gathered her thoughts and inner strength and made her way back to the Hokage's Office with a heavy heart and an empty mind.

Working as closely as she did to the Hokage and being in the heat of action herself, she knew that it was the best the village could do at that time, all things considered. But on the inside she was seething! They should have waited. A great man deserves a great send off – a memorial that would celebrate him, his life, and his contributions to the village… After all, if it were not for his ongoing recon (information-gathering) mission concerning the bloody Akatsuki, HE would be Hokage. And he would have been remarkable; in this she had no doubt.

So there she was, still in bed on her day off, reminiscing on the Shinobi that taught her how to live and savor the moment. On this day however, the Real anniversary of his death, she had no intention of leaving her bed - the last place he ever laid his head inside of Konoha. Even as she thought that thought, her hand moved to her lips. Closing her eyes she once again conjured that last night she saw him, the way he watched her, the way he touched her, the way he kissed her. For someone who wrote such smut, she couldn't imagine that he could be so tender, so gentle, and so patient - loving.

Her hand now on automatic, it glided along her naked form beneath her sheets – unconscious and unchecked; sleeping naked was a habit he instilled in her as their intimacy blossomed. Her fingertips ghosted over her skin in the same patterns and with the same pressure that his own fingers would. Naturally, the feeling was a little off since his fingers were bigger than hers… but she ignored the pain in her heart at the thought and decided to ignore that fact. Caressing herself from her lips down her neck and across her collarbone, she slowly brought it down to rest on her heart. She couldn't help the tears that slid from the corner of her eyes at that moment. Her mind took her back to the first time he laid his palm upon her heart.

It was almost a year into their exclusive relationship. He wasn't scheduled to be in the village for another week. So she was more than surprised when she realized that someone was letting themselves into her apartment. Grabbing a hidden senbon seemingly out of thin air, she tensed, preparing her body to jump out of bed at the smallest hint of attack. Then she felt his chakra and heard his deep voice. As her bedroom door fell open, she jumped out of her bed and right into his arms before he could even take a step. She hugged him tightly and left small little kisses all over his face. Chuckling softly, he carried her back over to her bed and laid her down - or at least he tried to. She refused to let him go. Growling, she tried to undress him, whilst suckling his neck and loosening his hair tie. Grinding her body into his, she softly bit his earlobe before licking it and spreading more kisses along his strong jaw and red cheek tattoo. He urged her to slow down, telling her that he came back early just to see her and that they had all the time in the world to be intimate.

Shocked beyond words, she froze and he was finally able to pry her off him and lay her down beneath her sheets. Seeing that she only wore panties – black and lacy at that – he promptly turned his back on her as he shed his unnecessary layers of clothing, until he was down to his boxers. Then he got in next to her and drew her close. He planted a tender kiss to her temple before spooning her and settling in for the night. Throughout all of this, she remained still and confused.

Up to this point, she was struggling with her feelings for this 'weapon'. She refused to think that she could love someone like him, someone so much more and obviously older than herself, someone so worldy and knowledgeable, someone so dedicated to the village that she wouldn't rank too high on their priority list, someone so handsome and rich - he wrote erotica for crying out loud! And she also refused to believe that he could, would love her, a rather ordinary kunoichi, in return. He could have had just about anyone he wanted. She had no doubt that their relationship was strictly sexual and despite their agreement, she had no doubt that he still visited a brothel or two. Hell, as far as she knew, he was in love - still? - for more than half his life (and the majority of hers)! But despite all this he was rarely too tired for sex, and even less than that, he never turned her down when she was clearly in the mood – even if it meant he would lay there as she rode him like a horse running for its life! Maybe he was losing interest and was biding his time until he could break it off gently?

Turning her body to face him, she looked at him questioningly. Feeling the tell-tale tingle on his face, he cracked open his eyes. She quietly and almost shyly told him that she's happy he's back, that she missed him more than she should but was wondering why he was there if not to ravish her. Calmly, he ran his fingers through her hair then dragged them down to cup her face. He rubbed his thumb against her lips. Slowly he rubbed her bottom lip, back and forth, until she closed her eyes on a sigh. She felt the bed shift then lips ghosting over the shell of her ear as his deep, shiver-inducing voice caressed her eardrums.

"Is that all you want from me?" At the sound of his sexy voice and the feel of his whispered breath, goosebumps appeared on her supple flesh. Shaking her head in the negative, she murmured his name, reaching out for him, her eyes still screwed shut. Sliding his hand from her cheek, he let his fingertips shadow her lips before sliding down her neck over her collarbone, between the valley of her breasts and over her heart. Now on her back she slightly arched her body and gave a subtle whimper. Keeping his hand where it was, he whispered for her to look at him. When she opened her eyes, she stared intensely into the eyes that were staring at her with even more force and passion than she expected. Before she could break eye-contact, he cupped her cheek with his other hand and said:

"I'll tell you what I want from you. I want you – all of you; nothing and no one but you! I love you; I respect you and adore everything about you. And when this extended mission and my travels are over, I would love nothing more than to be right next to you in any and everyway. Tell me you want the same, tell me you feel the same…"

Even though she wanted to inquire about his feelings for Tsunade-sama and question the practicality of such a desire, all she could do was whisper a tremulous "Y-yes, I, I want that too - I love you..." as her eyes leaked unheeded. He then kissed her passionately before once again settling her in his arms comfortably for the night.

That was the night Shizune lost her heart to Jiraiya.

And one year later, he was gone…

And her heart broke.

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Did a slight re-edit. Remember, I'm working as my own beta... so please pardon the mistakes - and review?

I love you? Will that make you R&R?

Thank you!!!


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